Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Whoever said driving was easier than flying never had to travel with children. Yes, it's true that when you drive you don't have to go through security clerks who have sticks shoved up their...digestive system, and there aren't any restrictions like traveling with your shoes in quart sized bags only and your hair must be checked for lice beforehand, but still, it could be a lot worse.
This is where the driving part comes in. So, you're driving around to oh, I don't know, Maine (where I”m heading right now) and you've got at least one kid with you. Now, here's the fact, whether the child is 6 or the child is 16, they both share the same problems. Maybe one's not whining about Barney or whether or not someone stold their transformer, but still you've got to listen to the “Are we there yet?” which gets annoying, oh I don't know, after the first time. Okay, maybe the second time, but it gets annoying very fast. Now, the second little question that every child has is, “CAN I USE THE BATHROOM?” or if they're younger, it will be “I GOTTA GO POTTY!” which is worse.
For the first part, you've got, “Can I use the Bathroom,” which usually says, I've got to use the bathroom soon, so if we could get off the highway and use the bathroom, that would be great. But then, youve got “I gotta go Potty!” which is about 1000 times worse. Why? Because this is not a question. It is a statement which says, “I've got to use the ^#@$# bathroom right @#$#$@ now so hurry up and get the @#$@^@% off the road!” in a more polite way.
And if we continue on with this topic, which I should say is quite...nasty, we've got the times when you've a) just left home, or b) when you've just left a rest stop. Because we all now that kids have to use the “bathroom right after they leave somewhere with one. Five minutes down the road and all you'll here is,”Daddy, Gotta go potty!” over and over and over again. If you say “Why didn't you go before?” you get the imfamous, “I didn't have to” and where does that put you? No where! You've still got a little tyke that has to go to the bathroom.
If we were on a plane, this would never happen!
Now, if you've got siblings, you've got another problem. Then you get into the territory of ,”He stole my doll!” and you get into the “Not touching you, Not touching you,” seneario, which we've all been a part of before. And thus, you've got to moderate this, but oh, I'm sorry, we're in a CAR! Well, let's unbuckle a seatbelt, turn around and fix the problem. But oh no, you've got a high tech car, because we can only have the best, and the seatbelt alarm starts going off. Ding Ding DING DING DING DING DING DING!!!!!! And it doesn't stop, so, what can we do but put the seatbelt back on and strain. Oh yeah, this works very well.
The kids are still bickering and you can't get away from them. Well, guess what, this wouldn't have happened on a PLANE! Okay the kids are still bickering and going on, but hey, on a PLANE you've got more options don't you? Of course you do. You can either, switch seats with your child and split them up, you can run off to the bathroom and hide away until you think it's safe to come out, or if those two don't work, you can order yourself a nice strong drink to settle your mind. See? Everything works well.
But, what the heck, I'm just a kid, writing about the life of road trips. What could I know?
Friday, June 29, 2007
I'm sitting at home, and there's not much to do, but I started thinking about a candy. It was a rather odd thing to start to think about because well, I'm not a big fan of candy. Okay, Okay, I'll eat some chocolate if the urge hits and I'll eat whatever type of gummy worm you put in front of me, but truthfully, I don't really like it. Soda, Hell yes, Candy... hm.. not so much. Anyway, I was thinking about candy and wondering what would happen if I shoved pop rocks into a soda bottle and then shook it up. I figured it would equal a mess and so I didn't do it.
But just thinking about it makes me laugh. I mean, can you imagine, a few packs of pop rocks with soda and then you mix it up and open the bottle. BOOOOM eXplosion! Yup.
Well, it's not one of my funnier posts, but I needed to get something out to clear my head. Perhaps, tomorrow I'll hear of something funny.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
It's only about 7:20 here, so I've got time... Time to rant, time to wonder, time to bore the crap out of anyone who listens. Yeah, I've got plenty of time. My writng career, has been, well, as exciting as all my other careers, which has been non-existant for the time being. It hasn't been going very well, but that's to be expected since I haven't written anything in a nice long while. Perhaps when the summer's over and I no longer have the whole day to work, I'll pump out some more interesting stuff. Other than that, I'm about dried up.
I've mentioned it in a previous post, but there's a longer piece to be written somewhere in the back of my mind, so I'm going to be running out to Panera Bread and typing out a few thousand words for that, and I'll probably be procrastinating (Like I"m doing now) and talk to you fun guys (who never leave comments let alone read this stuff) and surveying all the wonderful talent out there in the place where GEEKS and NERDS and FAT BALD MEN rule the world!
And once gain, this informative blog has turned into something not as informative and slightly more humourous than inteneded. Oh well. Perhaps someday it will all make sense to me. Until then, I'd like to wish ya'll ha happy... 7:32 on a Tuesday night.
Today, I'm here to talk to you about Baseball. NO, not baseball, but...well you'll see...
So, it's Monday, which was yesterday and my parents and I decide to go to a minor league game. In fact, this game is so minor, that if anyone's scouting, they'll be finding some major...eh hem... faults. But the players are in good sport, the fans are scattered lightly throughout the stadium, like butter, not too much butter on the toast please. But there's a family in front of us, a father, a grandmother, and a young boy, who's probably about 2. Maybe he's younger, but not by much.
Now, this poor kid, he looks like he's been through the Great War. His hair is sticking out in all directions like he's been hit by a bolt of lightning or something. His features are tired, and he's cranky. Very cranky. No, he's not crying, or making too much of a fuss, he just looks as if he'd like to go to sleep, even if that means the cold concrete floor a baseball stadium.
Now, he could have taken a nap...except, well he had some distractions. You see, his grandmother decided it would be fun to snap pictures of him every five seconds as she forced him to sit on her lap. He of course did not like this and so he wiggled out of the way. But oh no, there's this big bad spoon and it's full of ice cream staring him straight in his face! Oh yes, it's his father. "have some ice cream," he says and what does that poor boy do?
He cries "I WANT MY MOMMY!!"
So, I'm sitting there, behind them, and I can't help but laugh. No wonder this kid looks like he's been through the war. he's been harassed by flash photography and bad ballpark ice cream. I seriously cannot help laughing out loud; okay I could have stopped but i didn't. The poor kid wanted his mom and what did he get? Ice Cream! Yup, his father keeps trying to feed him ice cream.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
But he's NOT! Ha!
On second thought, perhaps it was a race. Perhaps these little tiny chickens with their white and brown feathers decided, hey, let's go to that land that no one believes is there and we can do what ever we want. We can party all we want...We can eat all we want....Heck, we can do whatever we want!
So, they get on their little raft made of tiny twigs they gathered and they set sail. So, maybe after a day or two, they see some huge ships. The Nina the Pinta and Santa Maria are all lined up, floating along, with its crew singing some merry songs and drinking some liquor. When all of a sudden, Columbus looks down into the water.
"Hello there little birds, what is it you're doing?" Columbus may have asked. "Are you sailing to the the Indies?"
And the little birds would respond, "No, sir, we're going to the New World which will be named America, though It should be named after us, since we'll get there first! We'll race you!"
And Columbus, being a man who could never turn up a good race nor a bet, decides, what the heck, they're just birds.
So, they're floating along and singing their songs when finally, they reach land. "We've made it!" Columbus cries! "And we've beaten those stupid chickens!"
And while Columbus laughs and parties on and on, he hears a soft cluck. "Bout time you showed up!"
Monday, June 4, 2007
***2 Hours Later***
Or perhaps three, I don't know. I may have blacked out. You see, I was on my way to learn how to fly, and you know what they say about being pushed out of the nest. You've just got to go and do it. So, I had my pack on my back, parachute ready to go and I had my trust compass so I could know where I was going, when all of a sudden, I fell.
No, I didn't fall off the cliff, though after my acting career, I'll bet all of you wished I did, but I fell on the cliff, face down into the dirt and the muck and the mud. And I lay there, for a moment, wondering what type of omen that was and I decided to think it was a good one. A lucky one. If I fell on land, I wouldn't fall from the sky, or so I thought.
So, I stood up, took a jump and flapped my arms like a rabid dog in heat trying to find a mate. And like that dog, who found no one due to the rabies, I fell, no I crashed. I kept on falling, and falling and falling. So I flapped my arms harder and harder, and to my surprise....I continued to FALL!
How Dare Gravity take away from my flying lessons! How DARE IT!!!! So, i pull my parachute, which I just remembered was on my back, and I fell slowly down to the water. I made it in without a splash, but the parachute, that's another story.
Thus, I have come home, dripping wet and soggy from my day of flying. I'm a bit down, but I'm not going to give up. Not now, Not ever. I'm determined to learn how to fly, especially when I can barely walk.